Ladles and Jelly spoons,

so it ends, I'm at the end of day 7.... I will NEVER put myself through this again... I hope like hell it was worth it, I'm sooo nervous about getting on the scale in the morning... though my neighbours must think I'm killing some poor creature in the early hours, my ACP has been getting a workout... shocking I know... but it's about time I used the thing, I moved it to my bedroom, the only child free zone in my house... it burns like a thousand diseased whores... but it's worth it :) I think I have bruises on my knees :S they aren't used to being knelt on... I prefer to leave sitting to be on my ample rear....

It's weird I have a lot more energy lately, though I am a little cranky >.< thats just the lack of calorie laden fatty food with a tonne of sugar, and I had to force myself to do 7 minutes on the ACP tonight to avoid eating a chocolate biscuit that the preggo teen was scoffing out on... I wish I had left the choccy bikkies alone whilst preggo that way I would possibly be closer to 70ish kgs instead of in the triples!!!!

it has to go away... it just has to.... I can't be this way anymore... I NEED thigh gaps, and ribs.... I know they are there... and the more I look in the mirror the more fat I see... my mindset went from this is just a small relapse to full on, how much can I force myself to do before they will notice... I HATE this way of thinking and I am aware the crap that goes with it, I just want to be invisible again... I can't walk down the road anymore without thinking that everyone is pointing and laughing at my ginormous frame lumbering down the road, I feel their ridiculing words and rude gestures... I have to be invisible again, I have to push myself a little harder each day, 42 was my golden number I can't go down there again as it would be too noticible but I think 50-55 will be accepted as miracle weightloss and lifestyle change. I WILL be me again, maybe then he will love me completely.

Sorry rant over now I promise...

Ok so I added a new page to this thingy... It's my random fictional rubbish that seems to seep from my brain have a look see if you fancy, i am warning you though IT IS ADULT CONTENT borderline PRON.... (intentially misspelled )

LOVE ALWAYS

thinking thinny thoughts

Kree XOXO